A transition from order to chaos.

In the humidity of a beautifully flat landscape along the coast of North Carolina, resides a Marine Corps Base. May 2021 I picked up my DD214 from Camp Lejeune, NC. A piece of paper that would lead to a phase of life people like to refer to as “transitioning” from the military.

I had a great time in the Marine Corps. Over the course of 12 years it obviously has up and down periods like anything in life. From the age 18 to 31 a whole lot can change. From values, interests, beliefs, etc. I’ll give the military credit, they’re good at what they do. They do it so well that it can be difficult to make an unsupported decision to leave it all behind.

And then there I was, a “civilian.” No need to wear a uniform. No where to be other than where you think you want to be next. Which I hadn’t figured out yet, I had no direction other than away and beyond. I knew the military wasn’t the only accomplishment I wanted in life, and what better time to start than now.

With a truck, trailer, and no place to call home, I headed for the hills. Montana has always had an allure for me. Vast skies and endless rolling landscapes surrounded by snow covered mountains that might as well had a billboard that says “Adventure awaits!” Luckily for me I had some family to stay with up there. I threw all my belongings other than essentials in a storage unit and began figuring it out. Montana however, did not last long. A feeling I was not familiar with started to set in. And what better way to deal with it than to keep moving. What the hell was comfort anyway.

Around this same time I had also become involved in a relationship. The military has a way of producing what I would call hopeless romantics. But since I wasn’t in the military anymore, pursuing a relationship seemed like a viable step in the right direction. That direction also involved going to California.

I also have family in CA which I have always been bad at visiting. I grew up in southern California in a much different time than it is now. A time where housing developments were slim, and space for exploration was vast. When I left CA the first time when I was about 15, the building boom was happening and the area was becoming unsettlingly saturated. But the idea of going somewhere that was familiar enough seemed logical enough, so why not.

Sunny days are nothing hard to come by in a region that has never felt cold. Truck camping was easy, especially with a little assistance from a battery operated desk fan. I got my first job at a skydiving dropzone as a parachute packer. I was familiar with parachuting, so it fit the bill. It isn’t the most rewarding of jobs, but I was making cash and living in my truck. Upholding a relationship and keeping myself entertained otherwise. Then there was that pressure again, what the hell am I going to do next.

This driving urge to chase another career, make money, establish a life, etc. I used to be in the Marine special operations, I can surely make anything work. The next three years would prove to be challenging in their own right. I began by attending a commercial diving school in Seattle, Washington. Which also resulted in becoming a resident of WA. Over those three years I worked jobs in telecom, diving, offshore drilling on a ship, and I even tried out college for the first time.

I was lost as fuck.

Deep, deep reflection was soon to follow. Therapy was happening, and I wasn’t doing ok, again. To keep matters simple, I bombed the relationship and made a concentrated effort to take a step back and really feel. I will note that before the relationship was nuked, I did purchase a motorcycle. A turning point decision that I should have seen coming much earlier.

But now I figured it all out! All you have to do is x, y, and of course z. Whatever the hell those are.

All this to say that I’m still figuring my life out, and I think most people are as well. Don’t forget to slow down for pedestrians and your emotions. It’s perfectly normal to feel shitty, depressed, lost. If you can relate, keep chipping away, there’s no monthly subscription to life.

Cheers.